Where Have You Not Been?

I've played this debacle over and over in my mind on whether or not I should let some of my friends in on this little secret (blog) of mine. I'm not hiding anything, so what is the point? Exactly nothing. It is the last bit of space that has been hidden from everyone. With the exception of one person, but they probably don't even read this thing or keep up with it.

I'm currently waiting for my rice to get done. I had a piece of pizza 30 minutes ago, but that wasn't enough.

These strange times. I can't tell if the windows are getting smaller or larger. All I know is I keep throwing myself into these weird spaces. I'm not sure how to react to these things. Somehow I get by and I guess I learn from all these instances. I carry myself across the threshold so many times that I rarely ever notice.

It affects more than just me and my every right. I haven't paid enough attention to my friends. With good reason though, they live in other cities. But the communication gap shouldn't be that far apart, least not in today's terms. I had one friend get married over the summer - eye opening experience. Now, another friend is engaged.

I wonder more about the future than ever. The day was intent on making take notice of the past. Something I try not to dwell on too much. So I gave up and I went back into the past. And tried to find correlations between topics of interest. This won't be the last time.

We talk to much. But I like it.

This Won't Allow

Hate him.
Don't really care for her.
Think he's cool, but he's kinda annoying
Haven't talked to her in years.
Can't believe she didn't even bother. (I feel miserable about it)
Wonder what her life is like without me.
What does she think about me?
Wonder what their lives are like now, if they still know I'm here?
Haven't seen her in months.
Wonder what they all think of me - I try not to stare.
Hope you're doing ok...you probably are.
I can't really put you into one sentence...
But I do know that there is a foul distaste at the thought of him.


And I push it all off to the side.

Black Out Hour

I suffered a rare mental breakdown tonight. I know what set it off, just how is another story that has left my perplexed. I don't understand life, why something that affected me 3 years ago can still get me today.

Either way, I've sat here for the past 6 hours watching Tv mostly - Ike stuff. It's getting really repetitive now. Nothing new, nothing that great, and I think all the people I know are going to be more than just okay. Of course, as I type this, the eye hasn't even gotten to Houston yet......:walks away to put trash bag in garbage:...well, its gotten a little more interesting. They claim they had 110 mph winds at Galveston. Nature has an impressive way of accomplishing certain feats.

But as today went by, I was getting curious about my friends. For the first time I'm about to name drop. I had to give it up eventually. Matt and Corn, good friends of mine, live in Spring. Out of curiosity I was wondering if they were going to stay or not and they did. Don't blame them, but they are a little dumb haha! But my ex-girlfriend goes to University of Houston. We haven't been on good speaking terms and we have the same friends (er, kinda). We aren't on good speaking terms because of things over the summer. What it's about? That is another time, another day. I asked another friend who lives in Oklahoma right now about our friends in Houston. She said that my ex would probably end up going to San Marcos. Wrong.

She stayed in Houston for some odd reason. Probably because she's dumb (but she isn't). I worry about her so much. She doesn't know and I don't think she should. She told me she was in Houston in our conversation when I asked if she was in Austin. I asked if she was staying with others, "Yeah." -"That's good." I asked her about the text message I sent to her yesterday. She said she got it and read it. Just so happens she never responded to it. Like I said, we haven't been on good speaking terms as of late.

I was infuriated with her, but I didn't say anything. I imagine shes probably staying with her boyfriend. I didn't ask, I had no grounds to ask that question.

Houston's getting it's shit knocked from head to toe now....Take it bitch.
I hope the shit comes straight for Dallas, just for the hell of it.

I would be lying if I said the thought didn't stir up emotions that I had 3 years ago. Same old story, new year. If I saw him right now, I'd spit in his face and put my fist to his face. I don't care for him, obviously.

So, is it obvious? That I still have feelings for her? I can't believe it myself. Actually, I don't want to believe it. Because everyone I tell will shake their head and count me in the wrong. My friend in Oklahoma (her best friend) wouldn't understand for sure. Not to say that I have a few information aces up my sleeve just in case I wanna do some damage. But that's beside the point. I'm suppose to be over her. I'm not suppose to think about her anymore. She's 5 hours away and she moved on. But she's beene taunting me the past 3 years. I can't shake her. I've never known another person like her. It's also because of her that I highly doubt I can meet anyone better. She did me wrong though. Very wrong. Once again, another time and another place.

There's two parts to my feelings right now.

1. I hope Houston gets their shit knocked clear outta Southeast Texas. I hope that her place floods or that she has no electricity for 3 weeks.

2. I hope to God that she's okay and unhurt and that she can return to her life like this all didn't happen.

Number 2 would also be the one that wants to see her every second instead of once every 6 months to a year and a half as a drunken encounter. Someone who wishes she would just randomly show up at his door. I can't stress enough how 2 > 1. This is the reason why I'm not asleep right now.

If their is a God, please hear me - just this once. I don't ask for much. I just want her to be safe.
When I fall asleep tonight, I'll be sleeping next to her 5 hours away..