I'm The Only Way

I've been away for roughly a week. I return back to my place tomorrow night.

Everything just seems openly empty right now. This is the first time I've been back to my parents house since October of 2007. If I could spend this week off all over again I think I would of come back here on Monday even though my Mother didn't have a day off until Thursday. I got here on Wednesday night and I'm leaving Sunday afternoon. Almost a week here and it feels like it wasn't enough. Isn't that the way it's suppose to feel though? Is that what getting older feels like?

When I left I was so worried that one day I was going to wake up and realize my parents (Mother and Step-father) were older than I ever thought. I spent all of my 22nd year of life worrying about it. That year was the year I moved out and realized that I had made it past 21. I'm 24 now by the way.

I never would of thought that way about the pets I left behind here. I couldn't take them because I have this small feeling it would be horrible for them emotionally and monetarily for me. I came back here with the intention of seeing my dog with all his rustic colored hair and short attention span. Though I will admit he does have a somewhat small attention span, still, he brown and tan hair has turned to patches of white on his face and hands/feet. My cat, still looking youthful, acts more her age now. She has lost weight due to old age and can barely speak anymore. She moves around the house like a nineteen year old cat. Though I did see her running around a small bit tonight like old times.

I guess I've been here such a small time and I haven't gotten to sit around with them constantly like the old days. They're still the same, just a little older that's all. I miss them, but I think they've also lived with my Mother for so long that I think they're more attached to her than me. She might not like to admit that, but I believe it is fact.

I've tried to make this more soul searching then just a trip back here. If I was looking for it, I haven't found it yet. Not a waste in that sense, but when you want to solve questions with answers you don't get more questions in return. It shouldn't work like that.

The accomplishments of vacation:
Monday - If I can still remember correctly (I've forced myself into island time) I woke up around nine in the morning to tend to a round of golf with my Father in Lewisville. I've come to enjoy the golf course in the recent month of two. I don't expect to play more, but I do enjoy myself more than what I use to. We ended up going to eat afterwards and then we took the standard issue of buying some groceries. All in all enjoyable. I think I've used "enjoy" quite a few times now to describe this day.

Tuesday - The week before I had planned a time to take the final from a summer class on the morning of this day. It's safe to say that didn't work out. I ran into a co-worker who I work with. She works at the school as well and informed me that I was out of luck since the professor wasn't in at that time on Tuesday. Frustrated, I went back to my apartment and posted a facebook status asking if anyone wanted me to visit them. A desperate plea to fix last minute plan that didn't work out. I was exhausted from the previous day of golf so I decided to turn in for a nap the rest of the afternoon. When I came to the professor had emailed me back apologizing for not being in his office at the time of my visit and inquired me to give me a pick of some times for next week before the fall semester began. (I have since emailed him back, on Wednesday, and he has yet to respond. It is early Sunday morning now). I also awoke to a couple of responses from facebook. One claiming that I should go to Colorado...the other for Austin. I would of gone to Austin if I hadn't fallen asleep. Never really given my plans to my Mother for the week, but I told her I would leave on Tuesday or Wednesday. I sent her a message saying that I was going to get a haircut and leave on Wednesday. The following events happened to no other actions.

Wednesday/Thursday - I got up around eleven on Wednesday morning and laggard around till one in the afternoon to take off for South Texas. I made it here by seven in the afternoon. Took awhile due to moderate weather conditions in Houston along with rush hour traffic. I got here that night and really did nothing. I was just happy to be back here with people and things I knew in my surroundings. Nothing like living by yourself and working all the time. And if you're not doing those things, being in class to top it all off. I retired late into the night like always and woke up to my Mother nudging me on the shoulder saying that she was going to have to go into work for an hour or two that morning. Tough, since she had requested Thursday and Friday to be off with me. Turns out she was apart of the layoffs had her company. To this day I feel bad about her status, but I have the utmost belief that she can make it. Doesn't help that she recently got a new car about a month ago. She'll be okay. We went into Victoria when she got back and spent the afternoon going around to some stores. Old stopping grounds, the local best buy, Kohls, Academy, but we never set foot into Target. I don't think I would know anyone from there seeing as it has been over two years since I've worked in that store. To no avail, nothing else really happened in a day that had mixed results.

Friday - Was probably the day I needed. I lived down here from 2005 to 2007, all the while I had never driven down to the beach. I never really realized how close I was to something like this. Something that would actually feel like a vacation get away. When you mention a beach to someone in Texas all they talk about is South Padre. As if every other beach in the state is polluted and has brown water. Never knew I was a little over an hour away from a decent sized beach with moderately clean water. During my fits of depression in 2005, the area we travelled to would have helped me immensely. I look back now and wonder why I never spent the time to make it down to the Aransas area. We didn't leave till around ten thirty in the morning and unfortunately made it to the beach by around two in the afternoon. My Mother and I almost blew the entire day just driving down there. She kinda felt bad because we never really knew where we were going and therefore our time for the day was entirely way too short. We just wanted that Mother and Son time. The perfect moment and setting - like an old family again.

The way we were for nearly twenty years of my life. And by god, we got it. Eventually, the beach sheriff told us we had to leave since we didn't have a permit, but by then we already had an hour and a half of beach time behind us. The way we acted that day reminded me of our trip to California in 1995. We took a white Isuzu Rodeo out to California and back for two weeks. The trip was hell, but if I could pin point one moment of my life where I thought I was seeing so many things in a short time frame, it would have to be that trip with her. Though you couldn't write a book about the events that unfolded on that trip for me, it's safe to say that we learned a lot about ourselves from that trip.

Our time is always full of unwary adventure. My car almost got stuck in the sand after we were told to leave (nicely I might add). I ended up almost breaking a nail off my toe and only realized this on the drive back home when my foot felt a little off. It's a wonder I didn't attract a shark because my toe was covered in dry blood. I turned the lights down low for the day and wound up drunk during dinner. No hilarious or horrible events ensued during dinner. Just the same old normal.

Saturday will do without it's secular description. I've used today to recuperate from a bad toe and a sunburned body. I would venture to say this had to be my normal day. The day of rest, similar to that when I lived with them.

My Mother apologized through different parts of the day. I told her I've had fun, but her stance reminds me of my Father in Dallas. He would constantly ask the same question on occasion and still does today.

Por Domingo, I'm going to church since my Mother insisted. I'm not a religious man, but I would be lying if I hadn't been in a house of God before and found the man was preaching to my life. I take religion with a grain of salt. Afterwards, I'll mosey out of town by the latest of two in the afternoon and take my time on the way back home.

I just dread the return. Following it, I work six days in a row combining 42 hours of work in those six days. On top of that, I start classes on Thursday of this week. As much as I'm tending to fill my immediate future with gloom, there is always a good spot. I'm sure it won't be that bad in my return. Negative, more so of me hoping than knowing.

As I lay myself down to sleep, I will ponder. Am I going to take work less serious since I'm obviously not going to college for retail? How many more times will I make it down here in the next year? Maybe I should focus my energy off of work and get back onto classes and other social odds and ends? I need to start doing something with my life. This whole....place where I work is just deteriorating me down.

And then there is Diana. The only girl who could hold a tune to my heart at the moment. The one I was probably talking about back in June or May...can't remember. I wouldn't be surprised if this girl has never gone out with a guy before. Won't lie, that sends a potential red flag to me. Then again, I can't lie to you the reader and say that she isn't one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. I hint off all the time that I'm interested in her, but I get nothing...

There is a different time and different place for me to start drooling on the keys right now. I would like to dissect it out sometime very soon here, see what it is about her that makes me tick.

Who cares...no one will ever read this stuff anyways.