No One Ever Told Me

I probably woke up about 30 minutes ago. That was the roughest 8 hours of sleep I've ever taken. I slept fine and maybe it was just the dreaming and the light coming through the window late in the morning.

Similar to one of those retarded dreams where you go to school and have no clothes on. It wasn't as bad as the aforementioned example in the previous sentence, but it was almost to that point. Thank god those dreams are not suppose to be literal. I know better than to think that so there must be a hidden meaning behind dreams like this. Maybe I'm uncomfortable with something that I was originally comfortable with? Could be since no one really seemed to notice. I went so far as to alter my commute in the dream because I felt uncomfortable. Maybe I overreacted? My dreams have a funny way of materializing so I imagine that whatever it means, I'll find out about it up to 48 hours later.

Just like how I explained (about 2 posts ago) the girl that I had a problem with. Funny that I actually had a dream with her in it. Is it really common for people to dream about their ex's? I don't find it normal and it bugs me. I do know why I do it though... That's another time, another place that I know all too well. That was a blunt tipped arrow.

Either way, my reaction would be similar to how I feel about her at the moment. Not really anything interesting or complicating to it. It was just the bitter irony that she decided to talk to me the very next day. Even though we talked for the equivalent of....oooohhh...10 seconds. Then she proceeded to not want to talk to me and we haven't talked since even though I told her I was still a little upset and that even if I was I could still talk to her. Obviously a bad idea and it didn't work, obviously. "Whatever, your loss", were my last remaining words to her. Honestly, I would venture to say that it's my loss.

Speaking of losses, the other ex (I need to come up with specific names for these people. I don't like to name drop and I would like everything to stay anonymous) came and got her furniture at the apartment here. It's just about empty here now. I have 2 weeks left to listen to my voice echo off the walls. It will probably drive me insane and I find it a pain to have one computer chair and move it from the living room to the front room. The floor isn't as comfortable as I imagined. It was the first time I had seen her since April when she left me here. It's okay, it was mutual in the end. Some odd moments were around and at times I felt like I was just talking to the walls. My small talk usually went unnoticed by her and I guess I deserved that. I just felt horrible and it's a good thing her and her parents were only here for about an hour and a half. My mother and a close friend are all I've seen this summer. When they were done her parents wished me good luck for the fall semester, her father shook my hand, and what was said between her and I was nothing to write home about. I felt sorry and awkward. But I only hope that I don't cause her any pain like my last ex still does to me to this day. She moved back home, but she's suppose to move to College Station to attend school in the fall. We both knew things wouldn't last forever. We just didn't know when they would end.

No one ever told me that when I decided what I wanted to do with my life that I would have to leave people behind. It's a long, lonely climb to the top. Wonder if I'll ever make it...

For some reason when I listen to Breaking The Broken by Sparta I think of sunny days with cold air and cigarette smoke in Austin. I must of had a moment like this with the song. With almost every song I can go back into the past somewhere in some time frame. As sad as it can be sometimes, this is why I love music.