Soon...

I will update. One of these days. Promise.

Where Have You Not Been?

I've played this debacle over and over in my mind on whether or not I should let some of my friends in on this little secret (blog) of mine. I'm not hiding anything, so what is the point? Exactly nothing. It is the last bit of space that has been hidden from everyone. With the exception of one person, but they probably don't even read this thing or keep up with it.

I'm currently waiting for my rice to get done. I had a piece of pizza 30 minutes ago, but that wasn't enough.

These strange times. I can't tell if the windows are getting smaller or larger. All I know is I keep throwing myself into these weird spaces. I'm not sure how to react to these things. Somehow I get by and I guess I learn from all these instances. I carry myself across the threshold so many times that I rarely ever notice.

It affects more than just me and my every right. I haven't paid enough attention to my friends. With good reason though, they live in other cities. But the communication gap shouldn't be that far apart, least not in today's terms. I had one friend get married over the summer - eye opening experience. Now, another friend is engaged.

I wonder more about the future than ever. The day was intent on making take notice of the past. Something I try not to dwell on too much. So I gave up and I went back into the past. And tried to find correlations between topics of interest. This won't be the last time.

We talk to much. But I like it.

This Was Just A Sign

It will occur randomly. 5 worthy subjects worth talking about. Moments of inspiration, failures, the past, sadness, being way too busy, and/or caught up in a moment. They all seem to hit at the same time yet when I actually stop to think, they disappear.

Tonight I went to Best Buy simply because they had their pre-black Friday festivities going on tonight. It was invite only even though all I did was just walk in and take a raffle ticket. I stood around for awhile. Looked at Bluetooth headsets for cell phones because I would like to buy one for my mother. They had a pretty good buy one, get one half off deal. I decided to wait and possibly talk to her. Plus, I wanted to read the reviews.

I browsed just about everything in the store. When you're making good money, you're single, and living on your own - It's kinda hard to resist buying. I did a lot of looking and a lot of planning. Which gets us no where at the end of the day. Found an awesome, somewhat moderately, cheap receiver for a sound system. Looked at CD's for awhile. Ended up buying Digital Shades Volume 1 by M83 and Heart On by Eagles Of Death Metal. Well worth the 30 dollars I spent. In addition, the money I spent supports the artist. Still need to see M83 live one of these days.

Almost bought Resistence 2 for PS3. I decided I would stop myself there. I'll get it in a week...or a couple of weeks, or a month.

I walked in the line at the checkout and waited for one of the 1st 2 cashiers to get done so I could be next. One girl, one guy. I was pushing for the girl to get done first. Lucky me, got my 2 cd's and walked to her counter. It is becoming more obvoious to me that when I buy CD's that I'm really being judged by my cashier. "This one is really good", she points at the EoDM CD as I pull out my credit card. I agree and we make short small talk until it's time for me to leave. I'm wished away to "have a good night." Wish I got her name. I should of left my number or something. Wait, do guys even do that sort of thing? Oh well. That moment never progessed forward. This was just a moment that will stay in shape and form until it fades out.

I can barely keep awake.

This Won't Allow

Hate him.
Don't really care for her.
Think he's cool, but he's kinda annoying
Haven't talked to her in years.
Can't believe she didn't even bother. (I feel miserable about it)
Wonder what her life is like without me.
What does she think about me?
Wonder what their lives are like now, if they still know I'm here?
Haven't seen her in months.
Wonder what they all think of me - I try not to stare.
Hope you're doing ok...you probably are.
I can't really put you into one sentence...
But I do know that there is a foul distaste at the thought of him.


And I push it all off to the side.

Projection

I thought I had saved a draft from about a week and a half ago on here, but I guess it got deleted. Not like I was not going to do that to begin with.

I've exhausted myself beyond belief. I figured that if I got past the first 8 weeks of the semester that everything afterward would be fairly easy. Never been more wrong in my life than now.

The sun peered through the incoming clouds for a couple of minutes this morning. It's really dark outside right now. It's making me tired, but I'm afraid I'll fall asleep and not wake up in time for work.

Facebook adverts are asking me if I like Editors and if I like Asian girls? Whatever should I do?

I think I'm getting tired. Hope to get back here soon.

Be Quiet

One of these days...
-I won't be so sad.
-I won't be so busy.
-I'll write something on this blog.
-I will be done with this semester.
-UPS will deliver my package when I'm actually around.
-Things will make sense.
-I'll have a day off.
-I'll find out that I've been lying to myself.
-I will get sick.
-Someone will find me hiding in society and then they'll want to know me for the rest of their life.
-I'll find out that wishing gets me no where.

The Heart You Left In My Old Bed

So tired of just being alone. Tired of the "e" button sticking on my laptop too. I understand that if I want things to go the way they've been going that I'm going to have to leave it all like it is now. I don't really have time for anyone else. I shouldn't make time for anyone else.

I could of saved some money and bought some drinks for me and others, but I decided to get 2 shirts instead. Probably better off that I did that. There were a couple of girls I would of wanted to talk to, but I just didn't. That always seems to be my answer. But of course, 90% of the girls were dressed like sluts. The young man in me didn't care. The older man was turned off and frustrated by it. I need to learn to take it easy on some people.

As I stood waiting in between sets, a girl and her friend walked over close to my vicinity. I was worried that if I went over to talk to her I would just end up attracting the friend. Sounds dumb? Trust me, its happened before. Like I want that to happen again. And I know about a woman and her friend and the little games they'll play with men when one comes over. It's simple, I was outnumbered. What can we do about it now anyway?

It's starting to get cold outside.